The Marriage Bed

A couple of days ago an article titled “Divided we Stand?  The case for separate beds” by Holly Allen Slate was published in our local newspaper.  It’s one of those articles that is a bit tongue-in-cheek, but also a bit serious.  We had a semi-serious, but fun discussion about the pros and cons for us.  We have always slept together at home, for many years in a king-size bed.  In our travels we have also slept in queen, double and even a single twin-size bed.  In some hotels, especially in Europe, a king size bed is really two twins pushed together, often with just the twin bedding on them, which forces separation.  We had some fun recalling the experiences of sleeping in various sizes of beds and problems associated with each. We decided that our king bed allows us to snuggle when we want to, but allows us each room to sleep without crowding each other.  This doesn’t keep Rita from accusing Bob of hogging the covers, but we decided that our bed is just right for us.  When our children visit they often stay overnight so we have bedrooms with various sized beds in them.  Most of them like the bedrooms that have the king sized beds in them.  Those that don’t have king size at home especially enjoy the opportunity.  One thing we found through the years that while the king size is great for fun, it can also be a huge reminder of the distance between us if we aren’t in sync when we go to bed.

As we approach our 48th wedding anniversary, we are still learning new things about each other and often our discussions about things as frivolous as the size of the bed we sleep in give us a chance to tease and laugh together and even learn something we didn’t know about the other.  These are valuable encounters for us and help to keep our relationship interesting and fun.  We encourage other couples to do the same.  There is certainly something to be said about the marriage bed.  We think it is a sacred space and, while some share their bed with their children, we think it should be reserved for the husband and wife.  It is not the place to fight although behavior theret may tell you that you need to have a discussion.  We like our bed.  We have laughed there and cried there.  We have held each other there and tickled each other.  We have had fun in many different ways.  Most of all it is the place where we most feel at home.

If you are looking for a little fun, maybe this article will be fun for you, too. It could lead to a good discussion as well.  See the full article here.

Please share some of the fun in your discussion with us.  Leave a comment.

Bob & Rita’s book:  Forever and Day:  An Invitation to Create a Marriage That Lasts a Lifetime is available on or by contacting us.  Also available for Kindle and Nook. Make a retreat with your spouse, at home, on your time.  Good stories, relationship tips, questions for discussion.

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About Rita & Bob Boeke

Rita Boeke has experience teaching scripture and with her husband Bob has experience in enriching marriages through workshops and retreats. They post a weekly blog at and co-authored Forever and a Day: An Invitation to Create a Marriage that Lasts a Lifetime.
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